Omg my daughter just puked her fucking guts out, the bedding all twisted up and chunks and chunks, that greasy smear. She didn’t like, puke in one spot. She made multiple deposits—sheets, comforter, one of her plushies. I’m sure you can imagine what I’ve just been through. Note to self: buy gloves. So there’s a load in the machine and another on deck. The carpet has been spot cleaned and will be vacuumed tomorrow. The upstairs toilet is clean. The counter is actually clean too because my son sprayed blood all over the counter, the sink, and the mirror earlier today when he got a bloody nose so I took care of that as well. What’s up with the body fluids?! I was shitting my brains out yesterday fml. I had such bad cramps on Monday I thought I was having a kidney stone attack.
Anyway the upstairs smells like vomit and all I have to clear the air is this lavender spray that basically smells like shit by association because that’s the bathroom shit-spray. I’ve gotta get some other scent!! Maybe that one natural citrus spray that you see everywhere. Lavender is the worst for toilet situations. Hopefully it isn’t ruined for me forever. My bouquet was lavender when I got married, I loved it that much.
Funny thing, there I was picking flecks of partially digested carrots off the carpet and I no shit had the thought (paraphrasing), “I know so many moms who would give their left tit to be where I am right now…with their kids.” The program is strong in this one. I am so grateful for these thoughts, even in the midst of whatever life throws at me, especially in the midst.
Like when my tire went flat on Friday and I was filled with gratitude that it hadn’t blown out on the highway and that a Les Schwab was around the corner. Instead of being frustrated or pissed. I do have to admit that when I thought I might have kidney stones I was definitely thinking about the painkillers I got last time when I went to the emergency room doubled over in pain and keening like a wild animal. But that’s just how our addict brains work. My position on medication is that if I truly need it I will take it and I will not give up my sober date and anybody who thinks I should can fuck off and work their own program. I’m not having my next hip replacement stone cold sober. If it triggers me, I’ll deal with it. But for now: I notice my thoughts and I notice that they’re addict thoughts and I know that that’s just normal for the old me and then the new me lets them go.
So I’ve got my daughter on the couch now and I’m scared shitless. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I LOVE MY COUCH. I love it so much that I don’t and won’t have cats. If she pukes on my couch I will probably lose whatever Zen I have. Believe me, I wasn’t a monk cleaning up that puke, I was definitely like fuck this but also you just do what you have to do. I mean, what other choice is there? I only almost puked once. Another thought I had was about my own mom and how much puke she must have cleaned up with five kids. Gratitude for her as well. OMG am I so annoying with all this gratitude coming out my ass?
LOCK IT DOWN 